To Live My Life
by NightElfCrawler
Summary: Trip down Memory Lane. An archived story I'm bringing back.
1. Chapter 1

**__To Live My Life__  
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By nightelfcrawler

_Warnings: None  
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_Okay so... in chatting with an rp partner, we ended up discovering that we had been a part of the same fandoms some 10+ years ago. She ran a website that hosted some of my old fics... which made me drag out some old dvds that I'd saved my webpages on... and lo and behold, I found these old fics hanging around still and decided heck why not bring them back. So here they are, a trip down memory lane! These were written in the late 90's and early 2000's when I went by too many psudonyms to remember. I actually forgot who I was until I physically saw the fics listed and went 'oh crap I remember those!'. Ahh memories.  
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_Be warned... these were my first attempts at writing and are likely riddled with grammar, spelling and other noted errors. I've read through them, blushed furiously that I used to write like this, and decided to put them up anyway as-is with no revisions. So please enjoy, but don't bother correcting or whining, they shall be ignored!_

**Standard disclaimer:**_ These characters aren't mine they're created by the wonderful Watase Yuu, although I wish they were, Houjun-chan is such a hottie! So don't sue me, I need o-ka-ne right now..._

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><p>Miaka was happy.<p>

Things couldn't be better for her at any moment in time.

Not only had they found yet another Seishi in the most unusual of ways, but they had gathered an inner fire. Something linked them all together, and bonded them in some way that created a warm pocket of hope around Miaka's heart.

And then there was Tamahome.

The minute they had laid eyes upon each other those few days ago, the instant that had summoned her heart to life, she knew that there would be no doubt in her heart, or his, ever again.

They were meant for each other. That was simply that.

There could be no discussion either way, she knew. She had known from the beginning, from the very first day they had met. She had never believed in love at first sight until that day.

However, this was after all a story book land, and dreams really could come true.

She opened her eyes and stared at the canopy above her, a strange light in her eyes. No matter how much she missed home, she felt herself unwilling to return if it meant being separated from Tamahome. As much as she wanted to go home, to find Yui, to see her Okaasan and Oniisan, if that meant that she had to leave him behind…..

She bit her lip in consternation. It would of course be fate that would put her in this situation.

Either that, or bad luck.

She shoved the covers aside and slid out of the soft silk sheets, almost giggling with joy over such luxury. Hotohori was certainly very generous to allow them to stay in the palace. Of course, she chided herself, you're Suzaku no Miko, basically a higher position that the Emperor himself. It would be scandalous to not treat her like some sort of Queen. She slid on her robe quickly, then pushed the heavy wooden door open, letting the frigid burst of nighttime air waft in, causing her to shiver and draw the robe closer before silently sliding out into the hallway. Tamahome better not be asleep, she thought. The moon was out full tonight, casting a silvery glow upon the garden as she walked quickly in the direction of Tamahome's room. As she scurried silently along the wooden boards, she gazed out at the peaceful pond that lay still as a mirror, reflecting the ornate Chinese rooftops.

It seemed so hard to believe that she was here sometimes. Part of that was due to the fact that no one would believe her if she told them what had happened.

She smiled to herself and fairly skipped through the halls, in a lighthearted mood. She felt her heart soaring higher than the clouds tracing the pale moon in the night sky. Of course she promptly tripped on her robe shortly afterwards.

As she was trying to regain what little dignity she had remaining, her eyes fell on the pagoda in the center of the garden. She hadn't expected anyone to be awake this hour of the night. Actually, she shouldn't be either technically. However, she could see a dark shape of a person leaning on the railing, their back turned to her, gazing out at the garden.

Standing back up and brushing herself off, she slowly walked over towards the pagoda, peering in the dim light to see who it was. As she drew nearer, she recognized the figure to be the newest Seishi who had joined them just a few days ago. Smiling, she walked over into the pagoda. "Hi Chichiri! You can't sleep either?"

Usually Miaka wasn't the observant type, but something about the way the Seishi was standing, how he suddenly gripped the handrail tightly, made her realize she'd startled him. "Ahh, gomen nasai Chichiri! I didn't mean to scare you. I'd thought that you'd heard me and all, well I mean, I think the whole palace probably heard me and….." She continued rambling merrily on, not really paying attention to what she said until she noticed that he was half turned away from her, his face turned aside. She hesitated. "Ara….Chichiri daijoubu?" She reached out a hand worriedly, but stopped midway uncertainly at seeing his shoulders tense up. She lowered her hand back down, bit her lip and looked down at the water feeling like she was intruding. "Ano…..I'll leave you alone. Ja ne." She turned to go, feeling guilty for bothering him, and started to walk off when she heard his voice speaking in a low tone.

"Iie….daijoubu Miaka."

She turned her head back and stopped uncertainly.

He half turned his head in the shadows and nodded gently. "I was just doing some thinking no da."

She turned back and rejoined him at the railing, letting her gaze fall to the still water. "Whatcha thinking about?"

"Just looking at the stars and wondering what we have awaiting us no da."

She drew her gaze up to the sky and let her eyes wander over the unfamiliar night sky. "I don't recognize any of them….it's different from my world. Though you usually can't see the stars at all there, the lights of the city are too bright."

He nodded and made a soft sound of agreement, then tilted his head back to the sky as well. "Did you know that each Seishi has a constellation no da?"

She gazed up at the sky nodding. "Yeah, I remember Hotohori mentioning something about constellations…." _Where's Tamahome's?_ She thought to herself.

Chichiri lifted an arm, as if reading her thoughts and pointed at a pattern of stars. "That's Tamahome's constellation no da."

She slid her gaze along where he was sighting and squinted. "Where? I don't see it….."

He took her arm and guided it along the pattern of stars carefully. "Follow the brightest one up no da."

She tried to sight it, but ended up getting lost in the many different bright stars. "Mou…I can't see it…there's too many of them….how can you pick them out!" She glanced over at him in frustration, and here eyes widened in slight shock and astonishment as she caught sight of his face.

He sensed her silence, and turned his head, his good eye meeting hers. She bit her lip and looked away, trying to find words to apologize when he interrupted her. "I spend a lot of time wandering no da." She glanced up hesitantly to see him gazing back at the sky again. "One can pick up a lot from gazing at the night sky before going to sleep no da." She bit her lip and turned her eyes back out to the garden. "Have you always been a wanderer Chichiri?"

She instantly regretted the question the minute it was out, as he flinched very slightly and his hand gripped the railing slightly tighter.

"Ahhh…gomen gomen!" She wanted to throttle herself for being so blunt and nosy.

"Iie…daijoubu." He glanced over at her with a small smile, which Miaka realized, despite the smiling face he wore on the outside, a true smile was worth much more. "No, I wasn't always a wanderer no da, but the majority of my adult life I have been no da."

She nodded silently, and propped her elbows on the railing. "So you know a lot about the stars and stuff?"

"Hai."

She glanced furtively at him, and noticed a sadness etched in his face that ran deep into his soul, but he obviously did a good job of masking it from ordinary life. She wanted to ask….she wanted to know…ever since that first time she'd seen him without his mask, her curiosity had been tweaked, but she knew better than to pry into other people's business. When she was serious anyway. So instead, she leaned over the railing and closed her eyes, breathing in the cool air and letting the breeze blow her loose hair around.

She was wide awake now, and no matter what she did, she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep tonight…..and it was late in the night….or possibly it was morning by now. She sighed and leaned back, glancing up at the stars again, trying to pick out Tamahome's constellation, and once again failing. Then a thought occurred in her mind. "Ne, Chichiri?"

"Hai?"

She looked over at him, and he turned his head to meet her eyes. She still wasn't accustomed to seeing the harsh scar on his face, but she at least was able to ignore it when she talked to him. "How did you know to come and save me? You know, I hadn't thought about it till now, but you must have been watching us, right?"

A small smile played on his lips in the pale moonlight. He closed his eye for a minute before speaking. "Hai….I was watching you for some time actually no da."

She frowned. "How long?"

He opened his eye and caught her gaze. "Well….I sensed when you arrived in the world, and stayed at Taiitsukun's for a bit with her while she was watching you, so I could learn a bit more about you no da."

Her mouth dropped open. "Since I got here? That long? Why didn't you come sooner then?"

He shrugged. "There are some things that aren't meant to be interrupted no da."

Miaka frowned before she caught what he was saying. She then blushed and laughed nervously. "Ah…..sokka." She fiddled with her fingers for some time, wanting to ask him a question that had been bothering her for some time, but not sure how to approach it.

He saw her nervousness, and spoke softly. "What is it Miaka-chan?"

She looked up and saw the kindness on his face, and felt her apprehension fade. She smiled up at him and posed the question. "Ano…Chichiri….when I get my three wishes…..when I summon Suzaku…" She shuffled a bit. "Is it possible for me and Tamahome to be together?" She looked hopefully up at him.

He shook his head in uncertainty. "I'm not sure no da. Theoretically, Suzaku would be able to grant any wish you requested no da. However, there would be a problem of adjusting to one world no da. If he went back with you to your world, it would be a different land for him, strange and frightening no doubt no da. And if you stayed here…."

"…..I would miss my world."

He nodded.

She sighed heavily. "I don't know what to do…..I love him…..I can't stand the thought of being separated from him again….but….." She trailed off hopelessly.

She felt a weight on her shoulder and looked up to see Chichiri's hand resting comfortingly there. He smiled warmly down at her. "Daijoubu no da. If you two are strong and devoted, I'm sure something will work out no da."

She suddenly felt a strong warmth creep up into her heart, and she smiled back at him. "Hai! Of course you're right!" She then stood upright and smiled broadly. "I'm going to go visit Tamahome now…..I…." Her words were cut short by a sudden movement from his hand. It was frozen in a hushing position, so she quickly silenced herself and looked up at him questioningly.

He stayed perfectly still, a concentrated look on his face, then suddenly snatched his mask up and took her by the arm. "Hayaku…" She half ran after him as he dashed down the corridor, letting go of her arm and sprinting in the direction of the residential guest rooms.

She followed him as best as she could, he was a quick runner, and she was breathing hard by the time he skidded around the corner into Tamahome's room. She broke in and ran right into him and Nuriko who were standing in Tama's room looking around warily. "The ceiling!" cried Chichiri, and he put a quick hand up and light lit up the ceiling as a form of someone dropped to the ground revealed by Chichiri's magic.

"Kisama!" cried Tamahome as he lept towards the intruder, who deftly lept away and vanished before the eye could blink over the rooftops.

"Come back here!" Nuriko ran out in his nightgown and tore part of the railing off as Miaka tried to get her bearings, and she watched as he threw it at the departing figure, but only made a new wall decoration instead. "Ooooooo, he broke the waaaaaallll." Nuriko whined. Miaka sweatdropped as Tamahome whapped him a hard one.

She crept into the room tentatively, seeing Hotohori with his drawn sword wearing a frown. "Tamahome…." She ventured, and stepped forward to his awaiting arms. He hugged her to him and smiled. "It's ok Miaka…everything's gonna be ok."

She buried her face in his chest, feeling his warmth, feeling safe there. "Yokatta….."

Hotohori's voice came to her ears. "What did he want Tamahome?"

Tamahome frowned and seemed to think for some time, and Miaka looked up at him worriedly. "He said…that if I went to Kutou…..they wouldn't destroy any more villages…" His voice trailed off into an uncomfortable silence. "Hotohori-sama….." Tamahome spoke finally, "Villages were attacked?"

Miaka felt an overwhelming sense of dread fill her heart as she listened to the emperor tell them what had happened that day. Something cold clutched at her heart, dark and forbidding. There was something wrong….very wrong.

Darkness….hopelessness….never ending sorrow…..

Miaka sat within herself and cried, her small form hugging her legs to her chest, her head buried within, letting loose her tears of misery.

How could he?

How could he possibly forget her…do the things he did?

How?

How?

The tears wouldn't stop. Not for her, not for anyone.

They would never stop. Never.

"ITAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! WATCH IT YOU A$$HOLE!"

Mitsukake merely tugged tighter on the bandages without so much as glancing at the red-haired bandit. "You're strong to have made it this far. A little extra pain now won't kill you."

"Mou…." Tasuki glared briefly at the healer, then glanced away out towards the window. "Kuso…..what now?" His eyes were sad…..not for that idiot who'd beat the crap out of him, but for Miaka, a broken girl….she must be going through hell, he thought.

"All we can do is wait."

Tasuki glanced over at the healer with a frown. "But what if he comes for her? I mean, you said that that drug he was under wiped the memory? So he doesn't remember any of you guys or anything?"

Mitsukake said nothing, but simply gathered his herbs and bandages and stood up heading for the door. On his way out, the door opened and Chichiri walked in, nodded briefly to Mitsukake as the healer left, then shut the door as he entered. He walked over and took a seat next to Tasuki's bed without a word, sitting there in silence for several minutes before Tasuki grinned lopsidedly at him. "Oi, so what's up?"

The monk frowned briefly. "How are you doing no da?"

He shrugged. "Eh, could be worse."

Chichiri's eyebrow rose.

Tasuki just grunted in dismissal of the point they both new to be false. "How is she doing?"

Chichiri sighed quietly and shook his head dismally. "Not well…she's locked the door to her room and refuses to answer to anyone…." He removed his mask and rubbed his eye tiredly. It was red rimmed and weary, showing the lack of sleep the monk had been getting.

Tasuki sighed and leaned back wincing in pain from the wounds that he'd received. "Damn it. Why can't he heal me right now?"

"Be grateful you're still alive after that no da."

"Yeah yeah….." Tasuki grimaced. He knew how lucky he was…he'd lied before when he had said he'd had worse. Truth was, brawls among the bandits usually only ended up in bruises or scrapes. Tasuki had only been through something similar to this once, and that had been something he'd care not to remember fully. "You should get some sleep. Yer looking horrible ya know that?"

Chichiri nodded slightly. "Hai….haven't been able to sleep much no da….."

Something about the way the monk said that sent chills down Tasuki's spine. There was hidden meaning in his words. "Oi…..whadda ya mean?"

Chichiri didn't meet his eyes directly. "I've been…..seeing things that disturb me…"

"Like what? Whadda ya mean?" Tasuki frowned, his fangs protruding worriedly as he scowled. "What, can you see the future or somethin?"

Chichiri didn't respond, and that was enough to clue the bandit in. "Kuso….you're not kiddin…" He trailed off aware that it couldn't be good news if he was in such a bad condition. "Oi….wanna talk about it?"

Chichiri shook his head. "I'd rather not, if you know what I mean no da."

Tasuki, thickheaded as he was, frowned. "Huh? Not really…."

Chichiri sighed. "Lets just say, if I told you what I saw, you might or might not try to change how and if they happen…..and that might make things worse no da."

He nodded slowly, understanding it. "Yeah, guess you're right."

They sat in silence for some time, each buried in their own thoughts. Finally, Tasuki broke the silence. "Chichiri….you know magic right?"

The monk looked up. "Hai…."

Tasuki thought hard, something new to him, and then spoke. "Could it be possible, I mean, given that the drug that was used isn't something Mitsukake can treat medically, then could another method be used?"

Chichiri frowned slightly. "What are you getting at no da?"

"Well, if he can't use his healing powers to bring back Tamahomes' memory, could you try something magical to do it?"

He shook his head. "No…there's no spell I could use that would-"

"No, I mean, couldn't you like go inside his mind and try to talk to him or something? Or find the wall that's holding his memory back?"

The monk drew up short in thought, his brows furrowed together. "I…..think I see what you mean…" he started slowly, "…but it would require many different things to be in place first…"

"Like?"

"Like, Tamahome would have to be restrained and subdued…I couldn't enter his mind if he was fully aware and rejecting me no da. And also, I'd need some time. There would be a lot of things to try and find out…..I've never done something like that before, so not only would it be a new experience that could prove fatal if one mistake is made, but I wouldn't be sure of what I was doing no da."

"But you could do it?"

"…Yes….theoretically."

"Theoretically…." Sighed Tasuki….."Damn…..why can't anything be cut and dry anymore?"

Chichiri shook his head. "But the chances of an opportunity like that arriving are slim no da."

"You're optimistic aren't you?"

He sighed. "I'm realistic."

"Same thing." They sat in silence some more, then Chichiri rose from the chair and slid his mask back on. "I'd better let you rest now Tasuki. Sleep well no da."

"Yeah…" Tasuki closed his eyes and leaned back on the pillow. "You get rest too. You look like shit." Chichiri turned and smiled faintly before exiting quietly, leaving the bandit to his rest.

Hotohori was seated in his room, staring in the mirror as he frequently liked to do, but this day it brought him no pleasure to gaze at his reflection when so many things weighed down his mind. It brought worry lines to his beautiful flawless face, and that set him in a depressed mood.

He turned back and stood up, walking over to the window to gaze out at the never ending down pour of torrential rain and gloomy weather. It fit his mood. Hopelessness and unhappiness were what rained down on Konan this day.

He sighed, then drew a thin cloak on and stepped outside, heading towards Miaka's room. He had to cheer her up somehow…..after all, with this new twist, she was the one suffering the most from the incident. With everything that was happening, his own discomfort, and the land's loss came absolutely last when it came to her happiness. Nothing else mattered if the Miko suffered.

He arrived at her door and knocked gently, then pushed it open. She was laying there, not moving, curled up in a small ball under the covers. He had been worried that she might try something desperate…..and he had rightly been able to judge that since she had tried to commit suicide…

He sat himself next to her on the bed, and ran a hand through her hair gently. He loved the way that it slid through his hands, but today he could only feel tenderness for her, and he laid a hand on her back feeling her breathing unsteadily as small sobs struck her. He lay down his head beside her own, and closed his eyes, wondering what he in his lofty position could possibly do to battle this potential threat. It was nothing he'd been trained against, that was for sure….what good was an emperor's power if he couldn't combat the most obvious of evils?

He was aware of her stirring after some time, and he opened his eyes and found himself gazing into her deep brown ones. They seemed surprised at first, then they softened to gratitude and some small happiness. "Good morning Miko-sama."

She smiled a sad smile, filled with her woe and suffering. Something had aged her, matured her. She seemed to show a feeling in her eyes of someone who had endured the harshest pain, and lived through it. This saddened him completely, and he found himself wanting to comfort her, to be there for her…..

"Good morning Hotohori…" her soft voice answered.

He smiled and slowly sat up in the chair. "How are you doing?"

Her smile faded as she sat up, clutching the blankets to her. "Did….you stay here all night?"

He merely smiled sadly at her and took her hand in his own squeezing it tightly to comfort her.

She allowed him to do this, being quiet and slightly withdrawn, then suddenly speaking loudly and startling him. "Hotohori…." Her eyes lifted to meet his own, and he saw a hidden sadness mingled with acceptance. "I was thinking about….your offer…."

He nearly drew back in surprise, his heart beginning to beat a wild cadence in his ribs.

"….and," she continued softly, "I wouldn't mind accepting."

He sat there stunned for a minute, digesting what she had just said….she would accept….she would be his Empress! He smiled tenderly down at her, knowing that she could just be trying to rid herself of the pain this way. "That warms my heart Miaka…demo, perhaps you should give some time to think about it before you truly decide."

She nodded slightly, understanding what he was saying. "It's just that I…"

She trailed off as they both heard the sound of running feet coming towards them, then the door burst open and a guard fell to one knee bowing his head. "Heika! There is an intruder in the palace!"

"Nani?" Hotohori lept to his feet in alarm. "Have you any idea who it is?" he barked out commandingly.

"H-hai heika…..it's the Suzaku Shichiseishi Tamahome."

Miaka's eyes widened in alarm and fear, and she clutched the blankets to her tightly. Hotohori stood up and as Miaka got out of her bed and put a robe on, he grabbed her arm and half ran down the corridor to another room, despite her protests, and threw her inside the room. "Stay here Miko-sama!" And with that he closed the heavy bars despite her cries of protest, and locked them. "You shall be safer here! Please stay there!" And then he ran off to his chambers in haste, leaving her pounding on the door, her cries unheard..

As he entered his chambers, he snatched up his sword and began walking steadfastly, purposely towards the grounds of the palace where he could now sense the danger. As he walked, a growing fire kindled his inner heart, enraged it, and his ki began to flare dangerously. The guards heading towards the courtyard rapidly made way for the emperor, sensing his dangerous mood and fearing it quite suddenly.

All the others were gathered there…..Nuriko stood warily, unsure about what to do, but on the defensive. Chichiri was with Tasuki, who was leaning on his crutch as a support, a dangerous look in his eyes. Chiriko and Mitsukake watched the figure in the center warily, not sure of how to respond. The emperor walked purposely down the stairs into the pouring rain, his ki flaring strongly about him, and causing all the others to look back.

"TAMAHOME!" Hotohori's voice rang out strong and dangerous in the stormy air, and Tamahome smirked slightly at the sight of him.

"Suzaku no Miko wa….doko." came Tamahome's voice, low and dangerous, laced with the evil that penetrated his mind.

Hotohori's eyes narrowed in anger and he threw a sword across the stones to Tamahome. It slid across the rainy ground to land directly at the ex-Seishi's feet. "I will not let you have her. You have hurt her!" His voice was dangerous. "And I shall not forgive you!"

Lightning lit up the sky brilliantly, and thunder drowned out the sound of the rain pattering on the ground, as Tamahome smiled slowly, malice and hatred on his face. "Then you shall die." He picked up the sword, then threw the scabbard far from him and rid himself of his cloak as well, gripping the sword tightly with both hands.

Hotohori crouched low to the ground, his ki filling the square with his anger, his eyes narrowed and filled with a rage for redemption.

Then with one quick move, the battle begun, as Tamahome lept forward with a bloodcurdling battle cry, and Hotohori parried with the speed of an eagle. The two combatants danced around each other skillfully, each throwing a blow, and deflecting one. The other Seishi watched, their breaths held and hopes stilled.

"Kuso….." Tasuki said in a low voice. "We have to stop them!"

"That's impossible…..the emperor's ki is far to strong….and Tamahome has no power to protect him…the won't stop until one is dead." Nuriko's voice sounded grim.

Again and again, the swords struck, sharp clangs echoing through the courtyard. Then, everyone's attention and breaths were held in place as Tamahome gave a final cry of attack, leaping into the air with his sword raised. Everyone knew instantaneously, as the emperor raised his sword level to the Seishi, what was about to happen.

"NOOOOOOOO!"

The cry echoed painfully across the yard, and for a brief instant, Tamahome's eyes raised to see a figure running towards them, arm outstretched, and fear on her face. However, that instant was enough.

Silence stilled everything around them as Hotohori's sword slid it's way home into the depths of Tamahome's chest. Time froze to reflect the dedication in Hotohori's eyes, the surprise in Tamahome's, the horrified looks in the Seishi's, and the terrified, lost and frightened look in Miaka's. Then, time returned to normal, sound devoid in the area as Tamahome fell to the ground with a large thump and a groan of pain as Hotohori remained frozen, a look of disbelief on his face, his hands shaking in sudden realization of what he'd done. Then, the sword clattered to the ground as his face wore a look of fear, horror, and incredulation.

With a loud sob, Miaka lept forward to her beloved's side, tears streaming down her cheeks and her face a mask of terror at losing him. "TAMAHOME! TAMAHOMEEEEEE!"

The others watched, spellbound in shock as his eyes slid open, and he weakly reached for his sword whispering, "Suzaku..no Miko….kurousu!"

Their breaths took a sharp intake as she put the sword in his hands and positioned his arms above her with the dagger raised. "Kill me. If it will make you happy….that's all that matters to me." Tears spilled down her cheeks. "All I want…is for you to be happy….Wo…Ai…Ni…" A tear trickled down her cheek and dropped onto his face.

Nuriko started forward, to stop him, but Hotohori threw out a hand with a commanding voice. "Matte!"

They all watched, a spark of hope flickering in their eyes, hoping, wishing that Tamahome would break out of the shell he'd been held captive in…..

It didn't happen

Like the speed of lightning, the dagger came down flashing towards Miaka's chest, right above the heart, and only was it deflected at the very last moment by the quick movements of Chichiri who had raised a barrier around Miaka barely in time to save her life.

Tamahome gave a grunt of rage, and tried again, but it had no effect, and Miaka knelt there with a stunned look of incredulation on her face, tears streaming down her cheeks onto his chest which was slowly leaking it's life fluid. Tamahome gave a howl of anger, and threw the dagger aside quickly and tried to reach up to choke her instead, but Hotohori had pulled Miaka away from him, and was holding her protectively, a look of distrust on his face.

Mitsukake looked unsure of what to do. His heart told him to help Tamahome, however, he wasn't sure of the ethics of the whole thing. He took a step forward tentatively, a question on his face.

Hotohori put a hand up however to stop him. "Iie."

"Hotohori-sama, we can't let him die."

"We shall not. However, he will heal slowly through our healers." His eyes narrowed. "That way we know he will not escape and try something."

Tamahome was laying down and staring blankly up at the sky, a look of anguish and failure on his face. Hotohori slowly walked over to him and stared down at him. "I will not kill you. I have sworn my loyalty to Suzaku no Miko, and deserve it or not, she loves you. Therefore, you shall remain alive for her sake." He turned away, leading Miaka by the shoulders gently, leaving the others to deal with it.

They stood uncertainly, then slowly departed themselves as the guards took Tamahome with them to the healers and the detention facility. Chiriko and Chichiri accompanied Tasuki back to his room, neither saying a word the entire time, each thinking similar thoughts. Nuriko left by himself, and Mitsukake wandered off back to his room with Tama-neko.

Each person's souls were filled with dread and uncertainty as to what the future would hold.

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	2. Chapter 2

**__To Live My Life__  
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By nightelfcrawler

_Warnings: None  
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_Okay so... in chatting with an rp partner, we ended up discovering that we had been a part of the same fandoms some 10+ years ago. She ran a website that hosted some of my old fics... which made me drag out some old dvds that I'd saved my webpages on... and lo and behold, I found these old fics hanging around still and decided heck why not bring them back. So here they are, a trip down memory lane! These were written in the late 90's and early 2000's when I went by too many psudonyms to remember. I actually forgot who I was until I physically saw the fics listed and went 'oh crap I remember those!'. Ahh memories.  
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_Be warned... these were my first attempts at writing and are likely riddled with grammar, spelling and other noted errors. I've read through them, blushed furiously that I used to write like this, and decided to put them up anyway as-is with no revisions. So please enjoy, but don't bother correcting or whining, they shall be ignored!_

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><p><strong>Standard disclaimer:<strong>_ These characters aren't mine they're created by the wonderful Watase Yuu, although I wish they were, Houjun-chan is such a hottie! So don't sue me, I need o-ka-ne right now..._

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><p>Nuriko was accompanying Miaka in her room trying to cheer her up. She didn't seem to want to talk about anything, and Nuriko wasn't about to push her. So they simply sat there, each deep in their own thoughts and waiting for the other to say something. Finally, he couldn't stand it any more and looked her directly in the eyes by getting down to her eye level. "Look," he said, "At least he isn't dead. We have a chance of getting him to remember once we break Nakago's hold on him."<p>

She looked up halfheartedly, incomprehension in her eyes.

Nuriko suddenly had an overwhelming urge to take her into his arms and hug her tightly, much like he used to do to Kourin. So he did. He sat down on the bed next to her, and pulled her into a gentle hug, which was still strong, and stroked her hair. "Shhh….it'll be ok…trust me."

She clutched his shirt protectively, and let loose her fears, her sadness, and her anxiety by crying out as much as she could. Nuriko simply held her, letting her cry the way she needed to. It went on for several minutes, and with each sob, Nuriko comforted her more. He felt inner sadness at seeing her in pain, and he wanted to remedy that as much as he could….demo…he couldn't do much at this point, so he did what he could.

Eventually, he felt her fall silent and still, and he glanced down to see her sleeping in his arms. Giving himself a small smile, he gently lifted her into bed and slid the covers over her, then exited quietly, trying to hope for the best.

He walked quietly through the halls, then suddenly his anger built up to a point where he couldn't hold it in anymore. Taking a huge swing, he proceeded to knock down a wall. He stood there gasping, feeling slightly better when he heard a soft voice behind him. "Ano…the emperor's not going to like that…"

Nuriko turned his head to the youngest Seishi and gave a lopsided grin. "Ah, the Emperor won't even notice with everything that's going on, now will he?"

Chiriko looked doubtful, and clutched his flute tighter. "If you say so…..ne, Nuriko….?"

Nuriko straightened and brushed himself off. "Nani?"

"What will happen now?"

Nuriko sighed. "I'm not sure….."

Chiriko looked down. "I see."

"Ne, don't get discouraged! We have all the Seishi, even if they may be varied in actual strengths! All we have to worry about is summoning Suzaku now!" He caught the young Seishi's arm and led him down the hallway. "Why don't we go and take a nice hot bath to make us feel better, ne?"

"Ara…." Chiriko seemed very uncomfortable, but nodded reluctantly. "Hai…sure."

The two entered the hot bath room and stripped, then emersed themselves in the hot water, feeling it attack their sore muscles. Nuriko sighed heavily, and closed his eyes leaning his head back in contentment. "Ahhhh now this is nice."

Chiriko seemed quite amazed to see with proof that Nuriko was indeed a man, despite what the others had said, he'd always had his doubts. Now, he just sat there, trying to relax, but not seeming to be able to do so.

Minutes passed, and they heard the door open, then shut and someone else walked into the room. Chiriko looked up and smiled to see the quiet healer join them wordlessly. He slid aside to make room, and Mitsukake slid in and sighed deeply, a troubled look on his face.

"What's on your mind Mitsukake?" Nuriko posed the question quietly, drawing pictures in the surface of the water.

Mitsukake shook his head. "What's on all of our minds?"

Nuriko nodded. "Cheer up. Have faith in Tama, and it'll all work out. After all, we're dealing with the power of love between them. Something will work out."

Mitsukake looked less than convinced. "Somehow, life doesn't seem to work out that way Nuriko…." And the cross-dresser realized he'd hit a nerve, remembering the way his love relations with his fiancée, Shouka had worked out. Nuriko bit his lip in shame.

Chiriko looked down, his own thoughts in his mind. He was far too confused at the moment….he truly needed someone to talk to…..but here…..of course he had no one he could rely on. He sighed and slowly stood, ignoring the concerned looks Nuriko and Mitsukake gave him, smiling bravely back at them. "I'm going to catch some sleep…see you later." And he changed and left the bath.

Letting the crisp stormy air refresh his mind and send shivers down his back, he wandered out into the gardens to do some thinking. He ended up stopping under the pagoda, looking out across the pond. To his surprise, he saw Chichiri seated out on the bank under a tree, fishing. He thought suddenly that the man was very peculiar for doing something like this, fishing in the storm, but his mind also told him, here was a person who could help him, if he asked the right questions.

He made his way over to the man in the rain, and joined him wordlessly, watching the rain splatter across the water in droplets. They both spoke no word for several minutes, then Chiriko finally spoke up. "Ne, Chichiri, can I ask your advice on something?"

The monk nodded, turning his head towards Chiriko giving the boy his full attention.

"Well…" he thought about how he was going to word his question, and decided to lead up to it vaguely. "What would you do if….if your personal reasons conflicted with a job you were supposed to do?"

The monk cocked his head slightly to the side. "How so?"

Chiriko swallowed nervously, and tried to elaborate as best he could. "I mean….what if you had to do something, and you'd be killed if you didn't do it, but you really didn't want to do it."

Chichiri nodded slowly. "Ah, sou ka…" He looked back across the lake as the rain continued to pour down, luckily the tree keeping them both relatively dry. "I know what you mean no da…..The only thing I can tell you to do is, you must think with your heart and mind no da. What is the best thing for you to do…what is the right thing no da." He looked at Chiriko. "It doesn't matter what others think if you can't decide for yourself no da."

The boy sighed and looked out across the lake as well, feeling his inner emotions that were as turbulent as the storm. "I don't know what to do…I want to do one thing, but I know I should do the other."

Chichiri didn't answer, but instead laid his fishing pole down and looked directly at Chiriko before speaking. "That is something you need to decide for yourself no da."

Chiriko nodded, somehow knowing that that would be the answer the monk would hand him. He stood up slowly and smiled. "Thank you Chichiri…..honestly, thank you. Not very many people have actually listened impartially to me before…thank you for caring."

Chichiri gave him a small smile. "Anytime you need to talk no da."

Chiriko smiled, and headed back to the building, feeling his inner emotions warring. Chichiri was right. He had to settle it himself, especially since he couldn't have the others knowing the truth about him…but, what if the real Chiriko showed up? Then what would he do?

He leaned against the wall and shivered, holding his arms to his side in defeat. He didn't want to help his side any more…..he'd stopped wanting to about a week ago. Ever since he'd seen how they acted, cared, and lived with each other, he'd wanted to stay a part of their lives. But he wasn't sure if they'd want him to be a part if they found out…

But then his thoughts drifted back to the kind faces of each of the Seishi. Each of them welcoming him, accepting him for who he was, or said he was. The fun and happiness he'd had with them….it was all so much better than the abuse, the cold treatment, and the fear he'd lived with back home. He wanted to stay here…would they accept him was the thing….

He glanced back towards the monk thinking hard. What if he told him…..would he understand, or would he turn him in?

Somehow, he thought that the monk would understand and sympathize with him, and thinking this, he almost headed back to tell him, but fear of what the others would say, especially Tasuki, frightened him. He slid down to the ground, clutching his knees to his chest in confusion. What could he do? He sat there for some time, his inner emotions churning and spinning, then he came to a decision, stood up and headed back to where the monk was. To his dismay, Chichiri was gone. He sighed and closed his eyes in confusion. He continued walking around the area, trying to decide what to do, then headed back to Chichiri's room to talk with him.

There was a light on inside, and so Chiriko rapped lightly on the door.

"Come in no da."

He slowly opened the door, and stepped inside, closing it behind him. Chichiri had been readying himself for bed apparently, and he was just folding his kesa and setting it on the chair, then turned around and smiled at Chiriko. "What can I do for you no da?"

Now Chiriko hadn't seen the monk without his mask before, and this severely startled him to see his real face. He'd thought the monk had been odd, but he'd never suspected that he had worn a mask. So he seemed a little shaken and didn't speak right away, but stared a bit open mouthed at him.

Chichiri noticed his silence and nodded in understanding and walked over to Chiriko and put a hand on his shoulder. "Daijoubu…" he said softly, his voice soothing. "Did you need to talk to me?"

Chiriko broke out of his semi-trance, and looked down ashamed. "G-gomen, I can come back later if I'm bothering you…"

"You're not no da." He pulled up two chairs and they both sat. "What's on your mind no da?"

Chiriko was gripping his pants in his fists nervously, suddenly very frightened about what he was about to do. "Ano…..well, I…"

Suddenly he didn't think he could do it. He had a vision in his mind of telling the monk, and Chichiri grabbing that staff of his and attacking him. He shook it quickly out of his mind, telling himself that the monk wouldn't be that kind of person.

Chichiri saw that he was fighting internally with himself, and stood up. "Why don't I make some tea no da." He went over to the table he had set up, and began filling a pot with water and herbs, then he stuck it over the fire in the hearth and let Chiriko do some thinking by himself.

Chiriko sat there, and felt relieved that he had recognized his uncertainty, and so he began to loosen up. By the time Chichiri returned with two cups of steaming tea and they began sipping it, Chiriko had calmed his nerves and made up his mind.

"Chichiri-san…..I don't want you to….to think I'm a bad person….."

The monk seemed slightly surprised. "Why would I think that no da?"

Chiriko looked away. "I….well, I wanted to tell you something…..something that will probably make the others mad….."

Chichiri smiled quietly, and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Why don't you leave that to them to decide no da."

He nodded slowly, then took a deep breath, and spoke quickly before he could change his mind. "I'm not really Chiriko….my name is Amiboshi and I'm a Seriyuu Seishi who was sent her to sabotage your summoning ceremony and then kill all of you." He didn't dare look up for fear of what he'd see in the man's eye.

However, Chichiri surprised him. "I see…..and you're telling me this because…?"

Amiboshi looked up astonished. The monk was calm and had his arms crossed thoughtfully, and was watching him with an honest open face. "Uh…." He swallowed. "I…..I don't want to sabotage and kill you guys…." He looked down and continued. "Nakago-sama sent me to do it….at first, I was devoted to it, and was determined not to be swayed from my duty…demo…" He felt a tear sliding down his cheek. "I don't want to do it now! No one's ever treated me as nice as you guys have….I feel like this is a home, someplace where I'm welcome…and…..and…" He stopped and felt more tears rolling down his cheeks, dripping into his tea.

There was quiet silence in the room for several minutes, the only noise was the crackling of the fire. Finally, Chichiri spoke up. "What do you want to do then?"

Amiboshi looked up. "I….I don't know…I know now that…if I go back Nakago-sama will kill me for being a traitor…but, if I stay here….then….." he looked down again. "The same thing might happen."

Chichiri sighed and stood up, making Amiboshi nervously watch him as he strode to the fire and stared into it for some time in silence. Finally, he spoke, still facing the fire. "Would you like to know something no da?"

Amiboshi looked nervous. "What…?"

Chichiri turned and faced him a thoughtful smile on his face. "I knew who you were from the day we met no da."

Amiboshi almost fell out of his chair in astonishment. "You…what?"

Chichiri walked back over to him, as he fidgeted nervously in his chair, and sat down again. "I was trained to tell various types of ki no da. Since I'd met Nakago once before no da, I'd recognized the particular signature of the Seriyuu ki no da. I recognized it in you when you arrived at the palace no da."

Amiboshi blinked several times in shock. He'd known the whole time? Then…. "Why…why didn't you tell anyone? Why did you keep it secret?" He was entirely confused now.

Chichiri folded his arms and leaned back causally. "Because no da."

Amiboshi stared at his tea in confusion. "I…don't understand. You knew I was an enemy…but…you didn't say anything?"

"You weren't threatening at the time no da. I wasn't about to say anything unless something went wrong no da." He leaned forward towards him. "Besides, Miaka is not yet ready for the summoning ceremony no da."

Amiboshi looked startled. Why was he telling him this. "She's not?"

"Iie. If she tried to summon Suzaku now, it would be too much for her to handle. She has to grow up first no da."

He looked confused, but bit his lip. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because. I'd like you to know that no matter who you are, or what you may stand for, you're a kind human being who everyone here likes no da."

Amiboshi pulled back startled. He suddenly understood. Chichiri was trying to prove to him that he trusted him. Giving him some confidence to understand that he wasn't to be frightened here. Amiboshi smiled tentatively. "Thank you….I think I understand."

Chichiri nodded. "What are you going to do then no da?"

Amiboshi looked down at his tea uncertainly. "I…don't know…..do you think they'd understand if I told them the truth? Or should I just leave before anything else happens….."

Chichiri shook his head. "Leaving is not the answer no da. If you leave, then Nakago may find out and you could be worse off than you would be if you just told him plain outright no da." He looked seriously at him. "I would say that your best chance is staying here no da. Now, whether you want to tell the others or not is up to you no da. If you decide not to, then I will say nothing no da."

Amiboshi was astonished. He was willing to keep his secret. Even if it was endangering him to do it, he was willing. That surprised him, and made him suddenly want to stay here more than ever. "I…maybe I should think about it for now…."

Chichiri nodded. "Very well no da. But keep in mind the longer you sit on it, the more dangerous it can be for you and the others as well no da."

"How…do you mean?"

"Nakago is intelligent no da. He might have some surveillance set up on you to make sure you're doing fine no da. That way, he'd know everything no da."

Amiboshi suddenly realized that was probably the truth. It wouldn't surprise him at all if the Shogun did that. However, that didn't mean that he'd think any different. "I understand." He stood up. "Thank you so much for understanding Chichiri-san." He bowed gratefully to the monk, then turned to go.

Chichiri stood up. "Chotto matte." He walked over and put a hand on Amiboshi's shoulder and smiled. "If you need to talk again, don't hesitate to come by no da."

Amiboshi smiled brightly, and nodded. "Hai! Domo." 

* * *

><p>Miaka woke slowly, her head pounding with a severe headache. She stared blankly up at the canopy above her head, and wondered what to do. The whole incident had taken her a long time to get used to. She had slept that night, but her dreams had been filled with fright and terror. She'd woken several times that night, in a cold sweat.<p>

She sat up slowly, clutching the sheets to her in a feeling of loss. She wondered if she should go see him. She got up and got dressed methodically, her heart and mind in a rush of confusion. She slowly exited her room, heading down the hallway. It was early still, and she could hear the sounds of the palace just waking up all around her. She wandered towards the gardens, and saw someone standing in the pagoda once again. She headed towards them, and saw Chiriko was the one leaning over the railing holding his flute and watching the fish. "Ohayo Chiriko!" She joined him, and he turned and smiled at her.

"Ohayo Miaka-san. How are you this morning?"

She nodded. "I'm doing better I think…." Her voice held a tone of seriousness, and Amiboshi was surprised at how much Miaka seemed to have aged overnight.

"That's good. I'm glad you're doing better….." He glanced over at her. "Ne, Miaka.." His words were cut off as she turned her head and looked distracted. He glanced back and saw that a few guards were going by in the hallway. Miaka suddenly left his side and headed for an intercept course. Concerned, Amiboshi followed her. "Miaka-san?"

She caught up to the guards with him trailing. "Ne, could you take me to the dungeons?"

The guards seemed slightly surprised, and glanced at each other. "Miko-sama, I don't think you should be going down there, it's very dangerous." One guard spoke up. Amiboshi had come up behind her carefully, and was listening quietly. The guard looked over seeing him, and then turned back to Miaka who was looking up at him earnestly. He sighed. "Well, if the Suzaku Seishi-sama would accompany the Miko," he said nodding to Amiboshi, "Then I suppose it would be ok."

Amiboshi nodded slowly, hoping he knew what he was getting into. Miaka looked up at him and seeing his agreement, smiled gratefully at the man. "Thank you." They headed down the stairs towards the dungeon area, and entered the cell block area. Amiboshi was very tense about the whole thing. Tamahome had met him back in Kutou, and he hoped the Seishi wouldn't betray him in the wrong way.

Miaka stepped forward to the cell where Tamahome was being kept, and peered in uncertainly on him. He was laying down on the bunk, having been bandaged up, sleeping. He seemed perfectly normal laying there, no one would have known the truth. Miaka's eyes softened, a tear forming as she gazed upon her beloved. Amiboshi put a comforting hand on her shoulder, letting her know he was there for her and she looked back smiling sadly. "Do you think he'll break out of it? Honestly, tell me what you think."

He glanced down at Tamahome in sadness. "No. Nakago-sama has used that drug on people before, and they die under his control."

She blinked. "Nakago….sama?"

He flinched, suddenly aware he'd made a slip. "Um….yeah that's something I meant to talk about with you Miaka-sama….." He bit his lip as she stared at him, and the guards did as well. He felt very nervous, but decided to lay it out to her. "I already told Chichiri-san what I'm going to tell you….."

She turned and gave him her full attention.

"I…..am not really Chiriko….." He spoke quietly. "The tattoo was put on me to fool you….." He pulled his shirt down off his shoulder revealing his blue symbol glowing brightly. "I'm actually a Seriyuu Seishi…..Amiboshi."

Miaka looked frightened, and unsure of what to say, and looked at him in complete surprise. She looked as if she wanted to say something, but couldn't. The guards were moving closer threateningly, but he held out a hand. "Please….let me finish." He glanced at her. "I'm sorry I misled you Miaka-san…..I was sent as a spy to sabotage the ceremony and kill you and your Seishi, however…" he emphasized the however as the guards closed in. "I've decided to defect here instead." She looked confused, so he elaborated. "I want to stay here and help you."

The guards roughly grabbed his arms and were about to drag him off, and he put up no resistance, when Miaka spoke. "Stop. Leave him alone."

"Demo, Miko-sama…..!"

"Iie. He wouldn't have told us this then killed us. Leave him alone. I trust him."

Amiboshi felt a wave of relief wash through him. She trusted him…..Chichiri had been right. If he had a little faith in them, then they would surprise him. He nodded understandingly towards her. "Domo Miko-sama for listening to me."

"You said you talked to Chichiri about it?"

"Hai, that's right. He and I talked about it last night. He promised not to say anything until I was ready to tell you the truth."

She nodded. "Well, if Chichiri trusts you then so do I." She smiled up at him. "But what about Nakago? Won't he be mad?"

Amiboshi cringed. "Yeah…I'm sure he probably is sending someone after me now…..but I'm willing to risk it." He straightened gripping his flute firmly. "I won't let him push me around any more."

She smiled and put a hand on his shoulder. "Good. I'm glad."

* * *

><p>Tasuki was straining Mitsukake's temperament by making rude comments as the healer did his business by fixing the injuries the Seishi had received. He finished healing him and sighed standing up and looking irritated. "You'll be fine now. Try not to get yourself injured again this time."<p>

Tasuki snorted. "Feh!" He lept out of bed grinning widely. "No one's going to get within pissing range of the mighty Gen-chan without getting somethin outta me!"

Mitsukake sweatdropped and shook his head, then took Tama-neko and left. Tasuki changed quickly and was outside stretching in the bright air with a wide grin plastered across his face. "Oi…it's good ta be alive."

"I'm so glad you're feeling better Tasuki-kun no da."

"WHAAAAAAAAAAHHH! DON'T FRIKKEN SNEAK UP ON ME LIKE THAT AHO!" Tasuki was clinched onto the railing of the walkway his fangs barred.

Chichiri sweatdropped and went super deformed. "Ano…."

They heard a soft laugh, and both turned to see Amiboshi standing there with a smile on his face. Chichiri smiled warmly at the boy. "Ohayo Chiriko….how are you feeling this morning no da?"

He smiled wider, and shrugged casually, and suddenly the monk tensed up.

Tasuki was brushing himself off and snorted. "Feh, you better get used to announcing yourself better or I'm gonna fry ya next time."

Amiboshi just stood there watching them, and Tasuki suddenly felt Chichiri's hand on his shoulder warningly. Tasuki looked up questioningly. "Eh?" He glanced at Amiboshi with a frown. "What's wrong?"

As if to answer his question, Amiboshi raised a hand above his head and suddenly there were strange cords and balls attached to them above his head, which he then threw a hand at them and the balls flew forward with a speed that was phenomenal. Tasuki and Chichiri both threw themselves to the sides, avoiding the high speed balls within a hairs' breath. They rolled on the floor and were instantly on their feet again, watching the balls fly back to their owner and over around his head. "What the hell do you think you're doing?~~~~" Tasuki screamed whipping his tessen out.

Chichiri stood there his staff leveled in front of him. "Be careful Tasuki….that's not the person we know no da!"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Tasuki glared at the boy. "Who the hell are you then?"

The boy spoke in a cold voice. "My name is Suboshi. I am a Seriyuu Seishi, and Nakago has sent me here to retrieve my brother and kill you!" And with that the balls went flying forward again. Tasuki deflected one with his metal fan, and sent it sailing into a nearby post, sending half the roof collapsing down on the three. Coughing and wiping dust from their eyes, the two Suzaku Seishi looked around warily from outside the rubble for their opponent. Chichiri whirled around. "There!" He raised his staff as the ball hurtled towards him, and the thing wrapped around the pole of his staff as he whirled it rapidly. He gave a jerk, and the boy's hold on his weapon was jerked loose, and he stood there defenseless…..or so they thought.

The boy simply smirked and looked at them evenly. "Where is my brother and Tamahome?"

Tasuki scowled. "You're Chiriko's brother? Che, that figures….."

Chichiri stood up slowly, keeping the boy's weapon wrapped around his staff. "What do you want with Tamahome-kun and Amiboshi no da?"

Tasuki stared at the monk. "Amiboshi?"

Suboshi merely smiled. "That is my business. Now tell me where they are and I'll let you live."

Chichiri's eye narrowed. The boy's power was still raw and untrained. But while this meant it was easy to find and overcome him if strategy was thought up, it also meant he was incredibly unpredictable. "I don't think we'll be telling you that I'm afraid no da." Behind him Tasuki nodded in agreement.

Suboshi just grinned more. "Then you will die." And he raised a hand in a sharp gesture and suddenly Chichiri found himself being tied up by the boy's weapon which had uncurled itself from his staff and was spinning around him quicker than the eye could see. Suddenly aware that he was too slow as he suddenly felt a flash of pain in his chest and looked down to see one of the balls fly out of his chest from behind him, red with his own blood. He could vaguely hear Tasuki screaming something unintelligible, but he couldn't tell what was being said, his mind was clouding up. He coughed, and crimson came onto his lips and he felt himself falling endlessly in a slow daze. His vision was tinged with red, and he could hear Tasuki screaming in rage with shouts of Lekka Shinen, and an occasional curse.

Tasuki was overcome with rage, and was flinging fire out not caring what it hit so long as it was in Suboshi's direction. He was so focused he didn't see other people rushing towards them. Miaka and Amiboshi burst around the corner in one direction, and Hotohori came sprinting un-emperor-like around the other with Nuriko at his heels, and Mitsukake not far behind.

Tasuki was too focused on his target, who was defenseless now that his weapon was wrapped around Chichiri's body, and Suboshi was valiantly trying to avoid the crazed bandit, but was in a losing battle.

Miaka gasped and stood rooted to the spot in horror and Amiboshi lept forward with a scream of "YAMETEEEEEEEE!" He ran out into the gardens and threw himself in front of Tasuki's madness with his arms spread out in front of his brother defensively. "Onigai! Tasuki stop!"

Mitsukake and Nuriko had rushed towards Chichiri, and were bending down and cautiously turning him over. His mask had fallen off and was lying on the ground, blood smeared inside of it. Nuriko stifled a cry of anguish at seeing the hole in the Seishi's chest. "Iie…."

Mitsukake immediately went to work by tearing the weapon off of Chichiri using a knife to cut the ropes that held it, and ripping his shirt off then pressing his shirt that he'd torn off of himself onto the wound. "Hayaku! Get the other doctors!" His voice was harsh and dangerous. "Hayaku!"

Nuriko didn't hesitate, but sprung off as fast as he could. Hotohori had come up beside Tasuki and was watching Suboshi and Amiboshi with a dangerous glance, his sword drawn. Amiboshi merely stood there, tears streaming down his cheeks. "Please…..don't kill him. He's the only family I have left…Kill me in his place, but please….." He choked as his gaze landed on the fallen monk. "It's my responsibility."

Tasuki glanced at Hotohori and they looked at each other uncertainly. Suboshi in the meantime had stopped and was staring at his brother. "Aniki…..what…..?"

Amiboshi looked back at him sadly. "I'm sorry….demo, I can't let you hurt my friends any more than I can let them hurt you…."

Suboshi seemed startled by this. "Friends? You….you made friends with them?" He suddenly looked frightened and guilty. "But, Nakago-sama said you were a prisoner here….."

Amiboshi lowered his head tears spilling down his cheeks. "No….Nakago lied to you and to me. These kind people aren't the ones we should fight…."

Mitsukake was getting frantic. He couldn't use his power since he'd already healed Tasuki….but…..Chichiri would defiantly die if something wasn't done….. Knowing he could well lose his own life, Mitsukake raised his hand and closed his eyes in concentration and focus. He wasn't about to let him die! Red light began to illuminate from under his hand as everyone turned to watch, including Tasuki, Hotohori, and the twins. Miaka was rooted to where she had stopped, and was watching horrified. Mitsukake concentrated harder, feeling the strength drain from him. It hadn't been a full day, so he wasn't at full strength to heal him….but he had to try. Sweat beaded his forehead as he tried valiantly to heal him…

They felt a cold clamp grasp their hearts all at once.

Mitsukake gave a sudden gasp of pain, and bit his lip. The glow from his hand faded, and it fell listlessly to the ground. He stared blankly ahead, shock on his face, and then he closed his eyes and a tear slid down his cheek as he bowed his head in grief.

There was complete silence in the courtyard, even the birds had stopped their talk to let the heavy air hang in stillness. Then the silence was broken by a heartrending wail that emitted from the Miko standing in the hallway, tears rolling down her cheeks in streams. "IIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"


	3. Chapter 3

**__To Live My Life__  
><strong>

By nightelfcrawler

_Warnings: None  
><em>

_Okay so... in chatting with an rp partner, we ended up discovering that we had been a part of the same fandoms some 10+ years ago. She ran a website that hosted some of my old fics... which made me drag out some old dvds that I'd saved my webpages on... and lo and behold, I found these old fics hanging around still and decided heck why not bring them back. So here they are, a trip down memory lane! These were written in the late 90's and early 2000's when I went by too many psudonyms to remember. I actually forgot who I was until I physically saw the fics listed and went 'oh crap I remember those!'. Ahh memories.  
><em>

_Be warned... these were my first attempts at writing and are likely riddled with grammar, spelling and other noted errors. I've read through them, blushed furiously that I used to write like this, and decided to put them up anyway as-is with no revisions. So please enjoy, but don't bother correcting or whining, they shall be ignored!_

**Standard disclaimer:**_ These characters aren't mine they're created by the wonderful Watase Yuu, although I wish they were, Houjun-chan is such a hottie! So don't sue me, I need o-ka-ne right now..._

* * *

><p>Amiboshi couldn't sleep…..he couldn't think, he couldn't concentrate, he couldn't eat. He felt like a leaden weight had sunk into his chest and was firmly gouged in there, keeping his soul from feeling anything.<p>

No matter which angle he looked at it, it was his fault.

It had been a full day, and the rain continued to pour down in torrents. He'd been too shocked to think straight after the incident, but he knew by now that he was under a kind of house arrest. He had been politely asked to remain in his room, and a guard had been posted outside of the door to keep watch.

But the door hadn't been locked.

That confused him. They trusted him enough not to lock the door, but still posted a guard to keep an eye on him. Not that he wanted to go anywhere at the time. His brother had been less lucky, he had guessed. He probably was imprisoned down beside Tamahome for all that he knew.

He sighed and lay back down on the bed. He couldn't forgive himself for what happened. It was all his fault…..he should have listened to the monk earlier and said something, then none of this would have happened…if they had already known, they might have helped him…..It was too late now.

A tear slid down his cheek and dropped onto the bed making a small stain. Why hadn't he understood it earlier? He should have said something….anything…..

There was some movement at the door, and he heard a voice talking to the guard. He sat up slowly as there was a soft knock, then the door opened and Mitsukake stepped into the room. He closed the door quietly behind him, as not to wake any of the others so early in the morning. "Hello."

Amiboshi looked down, holding his flute listlessly in his hands. "Hi."

Mitsukake slowly walked over to the bed and sat down beside him, and Tama-neko jumped off of the giant's shoulder and rubbed Amiboshi's hand for attention. The boy managed a small smile, and stroked the cat. "I thought you might be awake." Mitsukake said in a soft voice.

Amiboshi nodded. "I couldn't sleep if my life depended on it…."

Mitsukake nodded in understanding. "I know how you feel."

At that, Amiboshi felt an inner rage build up inside of him, and he looked up angrily. "How can you understand how I feel? I KILLED HIM! IT'S ALL MY FAULT!"

Mitsukake studied him calmly, sadness in his eyes, but a firm chiding there that made Amiboshi look away in shame. "You didn't kill him."

He laughed tartly. "Yes I did….if I had said something sooner….."

"The same thing would have happened."

He looked up startled. "What are you talking about? There's no way of knowing what would have happened if…"

Mitsukake sighed. "Think about it Amiboshi….you've told us that Chichiri already knew about your secret. He knew when he faced your brother, which is most likely why he recognized that Suboshi wasn't yourself. But it didn't make a difference. Even if everyone had known, there would have been no way to have prevented it. No one was expecting him to appear, and that's something we can't defend against." He stopped talking and looked away. "If it's anyone's fault, it's my own."

Amiboshi was shocked. "What are you saying? You tried to save him! It's not your fault."

"I tried….and failed."

Amiboshi shook his head. "But you had healed Tasuki before…..you did the best you could…." He trailed off, suddenly seeing things from Mitsukake's perspective.

Mitsukake sighed. "It's another person on my conscionce…another whom I couldn't save, despite my healing power." He looked down at his hand in slight anger, gazing at his symbol with a slight amount of disgust. "What good am I if I can't save people with my power?"

Amiboshi bit his lip. "But think of all the other people you've saved….I mean, Tasuki, Miaka…..and I'm sure there's more people out there that owe their lives to you….."

Mitsukake shook his head. "True…however…."

Amiboshi laid a hand on his shoulder. "You can't save everyone in the whole world…." He thought it odd that he had turned from being the one receiving advice and comfort, to the one who gave it. "It's not your fault….you didn't cause this."

Mitsukake looked up at him. "If I'm not to fault, then you aren't either."

Amiboshi nodded slightly in agreement. He understood where the Suzaku Seishi was getting at, and resolved to try to incorperate it.

Mituskake stood up slowly. "I was going to ask you if you cared to come with me. I have some work to do now that my power has been renewed."

Amiboshi looked surprised. "They'll let me out of this room?"

"You're not a prisoner….Miaka told us that you'd explained everything to her before it happened, and so Hotohori-sama trusts you. The guard is mostly to make sure that no one comes to attack you and your brother."

Amiboshi winced at the mention of his brother. "Where is he?"

"He's been given a room next door."

Amiboshi's eyes widened in surprise. "He's not in the dungeon?"

Mitsukake shook his head. "Hotohori-sama understood his point of view, and told him as long as he doesn't try to escape the palace, he would be allowed to remain there. He is however, not allowed to leave."

Amiboshi nodded in understanding. He stood up slowly. "I guess I'll go with you….what work did you mean?"

They both exited the room, and the guard nodded brisquely to them both, keeping a wary eye on Amiboshi. "I need to repair his body and make him presentable."

Tears sprung to Amiboshi's eyes again at that thought, but he nodded and they walked towards the funeral room in silence.

When they'd come about halfway, Mitsukake broke the silence. "You were close to him werent' you?"

He shrugged. "I guess…he listened to me. He was always so open to me, he said he'd be willing to talk anytime I needed to." Amiboshi sighed. "He reminded me of my father a bit I suppose…..and I've missed my mother and father a lot."

Mitsukake nodded. "Did he ever mention anything about his personal life?"

Amiboshi looked up in confusion, then shook his head. "No, he never mentioned much about himself….why?"

Mitsukake sighed as the entered the funeral room. "I wanted to find out if there was any family or friends of his that should be notified is all."

Amiboshi nodded slowly, feeling sadness flood over him because of that. The monk had always been the type to keep to himself about personal issues…he didn't think that Chichiri had ever disclosed anything to anyone that he knew of. That only made him wonder why the monk was so secretive.

They entered the room, and Amiboshi took time to stop and take in the scene. Chichiri lay on the dressing table on his back where apparently Mitsukake and the other doctors had dressed his wounds so they would be ready for Mitsukake to heal in the morning, and so blood wouldn't seep everywhere. Amiboshi found himself cursing himself for the monk's death again, but caught himself in time remembering Mitsukake's words. So instead, he walked over to the table, and glanced down at him, taking the monk's hand as Mitsukake readied some of the things he needed.

Amiboshi looked sadly down at Chichiri. He almost looked like he was peacefully sleeping, if it weren't for the look of pain that was written on his face. Amiboshi found himself wondering if his conception of what a person in death looked like was completely skewed. He'd thought that the person would become stiff, their face would be blue, and their hands cold…"Ne…..Mitsukake-san…..?"

The seishi looked over. "Nani?"

Amiboshi glanced back at him with a small frown. "Are his hands supposed to be warm and clammy? I always thought that-" His words were cut off abruptly by Mitsukake jumping up and rushing wildly over to the table, snatching Chichiri's hand out of Amiboshi's own, and putting his ear on the inert seishi's chest. Amiboshi's heart fluttered wildly with a faint shred of hope.

"Kami-sama….." Mitsukake whispered in awe. Then his demeanor changed instantly. He stood up and yanked the cloth over his left hand off, and positioned it over Chichiri's chest with a look of determination and sweat beaded on his forehead. "Amiboshi." He said in a low rough voice. "If you value this man's life, you might send him some of your ki to keep him alive."

Amiboshi's flute was to his lips in a mere instant without hesitation or a question asked, and he was playing a strong tune as loudly and strongly as he coujld possibly conjure. Meanwhile, Mitsukake's hand was glowing with a vibrant red hue, bathing the whole room in bright red light, mostly centered on Chichiri's body. As Amiboshi watched, the hole in the seishi's chest closed together as good as new. His ki was being drained severely by this, but he kept at it, determined to give something back to what he'd taken away.

After what seemed to be an eternety, Mitsukake lowered his hand and the glow faded, and Amiboshi stopped playing, on the verge of collapsing from loss of ki. He looked anxiously down at Chichiri then back to Mitsukake. Mitsukake looked like he was ready to pass out, but was smiling a quiet smile. "He's alive…we caught it just in time….."

And with that, he started to collapse, and Amiboshi rushed to his side and caught him with a strangled cry. "Mitsukake!"

Just then he heard feet running from outside and Hotohori burst into the room, shortly followed by Nuriko, both looking alarmed. "What's going on? I heard a flute and felt ki…." He trailed off at seeing Amiboshi staggaring to hold up Mitsukake, and immidiately Nuriko rushed to aid the boy by picking the unconscious seishi up before Amiboshi collapsed. "What happened?" Hotohori said again soflty, walking into the room.

Amiboshi swallowed and glanced over at Chichiri with shining eyes. "He's alive."

"WHAT?" They both bellowed together.

Amiboshi swayed weakly, drained from exhasting his ki, and Hotohori quickly gripped his shoulder to steady him. "We….came in here and found out he was barely still alive…..Mitsukake healed him….."

Nuriko had gone over to Chichiri and was feeling for a pulse in the seishi's neck while still holding Mitsukake. He looked over at Hotohori, a smile and hope shining in his eyes. "He is alive!"

Hotohori felt a surge of sudden hope and joy flow through him. "How…can that be?" He adked, not wanting to believe it. "We all felt him die."

Nuriko glanced down at the monk. "I don't know….but he's alive now, though I can barely sense his ki….." Nuriko glanced at Amiboshi. "You gave him some of yours didn't you?"

Amiboshi nodded. "I had to…" But he was smilng slightly and there was a happy look in his eyes.

Hotohori smiled and squeezed the boy's shoulder. "Why don't you lie down and get some rest. I know giving him you ki must be exhausting." Amiboshi nodded, but looked hesitantly back to Chichiri his eyes worried. "Don't worry," Hotohori said warmly. "We'll take care of him." Amiboshi nodded and headed back to his room slowly, a smile still on his face.

Hotohori quickly joined Nuriko at Chichiri's side, looking awed. "However this is possible, we shouldn't push our luck."

"I agree Hotohori-sama," Nuriko said. "We should put him in bed."

Hotohori nodded and gently picked Chichiri up into his arms. "I'll take care of him then tell Miaka….."

Nuriko nodded. "Hai Heika!" 

* * *

><p>Amiboshi opened his eyes and felt slightly disoriented. His head was a bit fuzzy, and he felt weak, but not as bad as he had before. He'd overgiven his ki just a bit, he thought tartly to himself, but then smiled in rememberance of what cause it was for. He tried to sit up, and a voice stopped him. "Don't get up yet. You're still weak."<p>

He lay back down at Nuriko's command, feeling slightly nausious from the sudden effort anyway. "How….how is he?"

"Do you mean Chichiri or Mitsukake?" the purple-haired Seishi asked.

"Well…both."

Nuriko smiled. "Mitsukake is still sleeping, recovering. As for Chichiri, he's looking better and better. You two are the workers of an incredible miracle."

Amiboshi shook his head negatively. "No….we just helped him…it's the miracle that he was still alive."

Nuriko nodded slightly. "Yes, but if you two hadn't discovered that, he might not have been later on." He smiled. "I think you've restored faith in Hotohori-sama. I know that I trust you."

Amiboshi smiled greatfully at the purple-haired seishi. "Arigatou Nuriko-sama…"

Nuriko snorted. "Don't act all formal with me. You know perfectly well I hate all those formalities. Besides, you and I are equals."

Amiboshi was yet again surprised by the generousness of the other Seishi who were supposed to be his enimies. He smiled again, thankfullness shimmering in his eyes. "Arigatou….."

"Ah, nothing to thank for. It's really you we have to thank, Amiboshi." He looked surprised at that. "After all, it was you that stopped Tasuki and your brother, and you who helped us when you were still thinking as our enemy, and you who helped us when you and Mitsukake found out about Chichiri being alive." Nuriko smiled. "You are our saviour after all."

Amiboshi felt tears spring to his eyes, and happiness well up inside of him. "Nuriko…that means so much to me…..honto…"

The strong seishi put a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Daijoubu. How are you feeling now?"

Ambiboshi slowly sat up and was relieved to find out that he wasn't dizzy and nasuious anymore. He nodded. "Much better…"

Nuriko nodded and stood up. "Feeling well enough to eat? I'm famished!" He grinned at the young Seriyuu Seishi.

Amiboshi smiled in reponse. "Hai!" 

* * *

><p>Miaka stared at Hotohori in disbelief. "What did you just say?"<p>

His gentle smile widened. "You heard me correctly Miaka."

She stared at her hands for a long time in slight disbelief. She'd been keeping herself secluded in her room since it had happened, the stress over Tamahome, then Chichiri being too much for her. She slowly looked back up. "Are you sure? I mean….I felt…."

"We all felt it Miaka….however, apparently he managed to come back to us." Hothori smiled and stood up again. "I just thought you'd like to know."

She nodded barely, then some odd look crossed her face. "Have you told Tasuki yet?"

Hotohori turned around surprised from his position by the door. "No, I haven't seen him around anywhere…..why do you ask?"

She looked up worried. "He was….talking strange…."

Hotohori's eyes narrowed. "Strange? How do you mean?"

Miaka slowly stood up from the chair she'd been sitting in and walked over to him. "He….kept saying something about how pointless anything was anymore…he was really depressed and upset…." She bit her lip uncertainly. "I don't know what to do."

Hotohori looked worried. "Do you know where he is now?"

"Yeah, he said he was going to the guardens for some air."

Hotohori nodded. "I think I should go find him before something happens."

Miaka nodded. "I'm going to go see Chichiri."

Hotohori smiled and they both headed in opposite directions. Hotohori frowned as he walked towards the gardens. Tasuki, he'd realized, was an emotional one though he didn't show it on the outside. The death of a seishi had truly hit him hard, especially since he'd been part of the battle himself…. Hotohori wondered if he didn't blame himself partially.

He saw the bandit over by the bridge hanging on it limply. Hotohori walked over slowly, hands behind his back thoughtfully. Tasuki heard him coming, but didn' turn his head. "What do you want?"

Hothori felt saddened by the seishi's behaviour. "I wanted to talk to you."

Tasuki snorted. "Feh…"

Hotohori sighed and leaned on the railing next to the bandit. "Tasuki…"

"Look…..I don't want no fucking sympathy speech or no shit over 'it's not your fault' or nothin like that." He spat out bitterly. "So if you don't have anything good to say, then beat it."

Hotohori sighed internally. He knew the kind of grief the bandit was facing, and decided there wasn't much he could do about it. He sat up and turned away, heading back towards the palace. "Then I guess you wont' want to know that Chichiri's not dead."

He heard Tasuki stiffen behind him, then laugh bitterly. "Nice try Emperor-sama….." He continued to laugh dryly as Hotohori walked away.

Hotohori shook his head in confusion. He guessed that time would prove the bandit wrong to his beliefs…He headed back towards Chichiri's room, and entered finding Miaka sitting by his side holding his hand. He approached and put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed lightly, wishing that he could convey his feelings to her.

She smiled brightly up at him, a strange emotion in her eyes sparkling back at him. He was taken slightly aback by that. He'd seen that look before…..but for someone else…. His heart nearly stopped beating as he gazed longingly down at her, wishing, hoping, yet reluctant. Was that gaze for him? Or was it merely a result of her finding things were better than they thought?

She glanced back down at Chichiri. "How could he have lived through the entire night like that?"

Hotohori shook his head in confusion. "I have no idea…..we'll have to see if he remembers anything when he wakes up."

She nodded then spoke softer. "Hotohori…..I've been doing some thinking…" He looked down at her not daring to breath as she spoke. "And…..I've decided to accept your offer….." Her face turned back to him, and her eyes watched him dead serious.

He swallowed nervously and took a chair beside her and took her hand looking into her eyes. "Are you sure? I mean…I don't want to rush you after all…I don't want you to rush into it if you still ….if you're not ready."

Miaka smiled sadly. "Hotohori, I've realized that I've gotten over him…I know there's nothing we can do to return him to normal….he won't love me again. And I'm not sure I could ever love him again even if he did recover." Her face was seriuous, and Hotohori realized she'd grown up quite a bit in the past few days.

He bit his lip in wonder. It was almost too good to be true. "I see…..well then, I would be most willing to re-extend the offer, however, I want you to be sure about this Miaka…." He gazed longingly into her eyes. "I want you to be happy."

He was rewarded by a smile from her. "Hai."

Just then, they heard a soft movement, and both their eyes snapped to the bedside where Chichiri was stirring slightly. Hotohori leaned over cautiously as the monk slowly opened his eye and bllinked once. "Chichiri…." He siad softly.

The monk turned his eye in the direcion of the voice, and saw Miaka and Hotohori looking down at him worriedly. He managed a small smile and looked disoriented. "What….happened?"

Miaka nearly cried in joy at seeing him awake and threw her arms around him, startling the seishi. Hotohori smiled fondly. "Yokatta…we were worried about you."

Chichiri seemed disoriented as Miaka released him with tears in her eyes. "I'm afraid I don't remember much no da…" He closed his eye. "I feel so drained…"

Hothori put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Daijoubu….don't push yourself now…..you were injured, so why don't you rest for a time to recover and we'll explain it later, ne?"

The monk nodded slightly in aquiscence, and Hothori took Miaka's hand and stood up. "We'll let you sleep now. We just wanted to make sure you were alright." And with that, he herded Miaka out the door as Chichiri closed his eye and fell back asleep.

Hotohori closed the door behind him as the two exited, and smiled at Miaka, matching her bright sunny expression.

"Everything's going to be ok, isn't it Hotohori?"

"Hai, it is."

* * *

><p>There was a knock on his door. Suboshi looked up surprised. No one had visited him for over a day now, and he didn't expect them to be knocking when they finally did…He wasn't sure what to say, so he swallowed. "Uh, come in."<p>

The door opened and the purpled-haired Suzaku seishi with the super strength walked in and shut the door behind him. Suboshi kept mistaking this one for a woman, he looked far to feminine, but seeing as how Nuriko wore a loose top half opened exposing his chest, Suboshi couldn't argue with the truth.

"How are you?" The seishi spoke, actually sounding cheerful and friendly to him.

He looked down at his hands not speaking. How could they ask that of him? He was their enemy.

The purpled-haired one didn't seem to notice his silence, and instead drew up a chair and plopped comfortably down in it, crossing his arms leasurely. "Been a rough day?"

Suboshi looked up uncetainty on his face. "Why are you asking me this?"

The Suzaku seishi shrugged. "I'm just concerned about how your mental state is."

He blinked. "Why?"

The Seishi raised an eyebrow. "Why not?"

Suboshi was startled. Why was he being nice? "You're my enemy. I killed one of you….. you probably want to kill me now for ruining your chances of summoning your god."

"You didn't ruin them."

He looked up startled. "What?"

"I'm Nuriko….your name is Suboshi, right?" He seemed to purposely avoid his question with a mischivious gleam in his eye.

Suboshi swallowed nervously. "Ara….hai….."

"Your brother's told me some bits about you." He said good naturedly. "You don't seem to be a bad person."

Suboshi looked down. He didn't understand this. These were people who were on the opposite side….they should be throwing him in a dungeon and torturing or killing him, not conversatiojnally striking up a chat and letting him have a lavish room.

"You were only doing what you were told right? And you were worried about your brother."

He looked up surprised.

Nuriko smiled warmly at him. "I can't blame you actaully. I know how much love for your sibling can drive you to the brink of insanity if you think you're going to lose them."

Suboshi frowned. "Why are you treating me so nice here?"

Nuriko shrugged. "Your brother explained to us the reasons you and he were sent here. And you aren't being violent or endangering anyone, so what need is there for the dungeon?"

Suboshi slowly began to understand….Aniki said he couldn't let him kill his friends…..he must have made friends with these people then…. Suboshi began to realize that Amiboshi must have told them the truth before he'd even arrived….he wasn't being held prisoner, he was staying of his own free will. "I'm sorry…I didn't understand…you all must hate me now because I killed that man."

"Ah, but you didn't you see."

His head jerked up surprised. "What? But I thought….." He trailed off at seeing the confidant smile on Nuriko's face and feelign an odd sense of relief wash through him. Why was he relieved? Shouldn't he be curisng himself for failing in his duity? He nodded slowly. "I understand why Aniki likes you people so much….."

Nuriko nodded slowly. "Here's the deal, Suboshi. Hotohori-sama asked me to tell you this to see what you say. In these walls, it doesn't matter who you are or what you are. You're welcome to stay here, as long as you remain a friend." Suboshi found his heart beating faster hearing this. They were letting him go? "So long as you don't cause any trouble or start aiding our rivals while you're here, you're welcome to stay."

Suboshi looked up still surprised. "You mean….you're forgiving me and letting me stay here…? Even after what I've done?"

Nuriko shrugged. "That seems to be correct now doesn't it."

Suboshi bit his lip. "Then the man I kil- er…. He's alive?" Nuriko nodded. "Can….can I see him…..and Aniki?"

Nuriko grinned. "Sure. If you agree to the terms that is. You won't be allowed to carry your weapon around either, however. Though if you chose to leave, it will be returned to you."

Suboshi felt gratitude well up. "Domo!" He bowed low before Nuriko. "I….don't know what to say!"

Nuriko just stood up and shook his head. "I'd worry more about apoligizing to Chichiri for killing him….well, nearly killing him anyway." He opened the door and guestured for Suboshi to exit. "He might not feel the same way Hotohori-sama does."

Suboshi nodded faintly, stepping out into the bright sunlight. Waiting by the railing was his brother smiling at him encouragingly. "Ohayo Shunkaku!"

He quickly embraced his brother. "Aniki!" He grinned. "Are you ok?"

Amiboshi laughed soflty. "Of course I am!" He separated from Suboshi. "How about you? Are you doing any better?"

Suboshi looked over at Nuriko who was waitng politely beisde the two. "Hai…..I am I think…..I understand eveything now Aniki, and I'm sorry….." he hung his head. "I should have realized it sooner."

Amiboshi shook his head. "Daijoubu. All's well that ends well…you heard I assume?" He glanced questioningly at Nuriko, and received an affermative nod. "I was going to go and visit him. Do you want to come Shunkaku?"

Suboshi noticed that his brother was using his personal name rather than their seishi names. He replied in like, feeling a sense of comfort from doing so. "Hai, I would Kotoku." He looked at Nuriko for permission, and the Suzaku seishi nodded.

Together, the three walked down the hall, and Nuriko saw a certain red-haired bandit skulking by towards his room with sake cups. He promptly snatched him by the sleeve, despite the bandit's protests. "OI! What the hell?"

"Why don't you come with us Tasuki. Hotohori told me how you behaved this morning."

Tasuki snarled. "What the hell do you care. Lemme go."

The twins watched in astonishment as the purple haired seishi lifted the struggling bandit above his head and began walking non-chalantly down the hall ahead of them. "You should never talk to Hotohori-sama that way again."

Tasuki was screaming and cursing meanwhile, trying to rid himself of the strong arms of his fellow seishi. "LEMME GO AHO!"

Amiboshi laughed softly and tugged his brother's sleeve as the followed. Suboshi found himself laughing inside at the crazy antics. "None of this would have happened back in Kutou…" Suboshi said softly.

"That's why it's so wonderful here."

He nodded and turned into the bedroom that Nuriko had burst into with Tasuki. Nuriko dumped the seishi on the floor and brushed his hands off dismissively. "There…..my jobs done now." And he closed the door after himself once the twins had entered.

Tasuki cursed profusely, standing up and rubbing his back. "Itaii…aho….."

Of course, through this entire scene, Mitsukake and Chichiri were both watching rather amused from the area of the bed. Mitsukake shook his head and turned back to Chichiri. "Now hold still." And his hand raised and began bathing Chichiri in a light glow.

Chichiri closed his eye and leaned back letting the healing do it's work. Amiboshi came up and sat down on the bed by Chichiri's feet. "Are you ok Chichiri?"

Chichiri opened his eye and smiled lightly at him. "Hai no da." His voice was soft and hoarse, but it was still there, which warmed Amiboshi's heart.

Of course, Tasuki was less than pleased. "WAHHHHHHHHHHHH!IT'!" And he scrambled up the side of the wall as if trying to escape.

Everyone just stared at him sweatdropping slighlty. Chichiri wore a blank look. "Ano…." He murmered hoarsely, "What is he talking about no da?"

Mitsukake sighed and lowered his hand. "That's enough for today….I can't give you much more ki." Chichiri nodded appreciatively. "He's talking about how we all thought that you'd died…." Mitsukake trailed off. "How did you manage to pull through is what we're interested in."

Chichiri frowned sliglhtly. "I don't really remember much no da…I passed out…..and I remember talking to someone…But I can't recall who it was no da." He said shaking his head.

Suboshi slowly approached the bedside nervously figiting. "Ano….."

Chichiri looked up at him, and smiled fainlty, that seemed to be all he could manage to do anyway at this point. "Don't worry about it…I don't take it as a personal offense no da."

Suboshi blinked. "But….I…"

"You were defending something you had very strong feelings about no da." He chuckled soflty, and winced at the effort it took. "After all, apparently I didn't stay dead no da."

Suboshi was stunned. He had killed this man…..and here he was already telling him to forget it! He couldn't believe what his ears were telling him…reason stated that he should be killed for doing what he'd done, but the Suzaku Seishi had accepted him, welcomed him, and told him that it wasn't a big deal…..he was touched in a way he'd never been touched before….

While these thoughts were running through his head, Amiboshi had walked over to Tasuki and was talking to him softly. The bandit was curled up in a fetal position in the corner, occassionally throwing paranoid glances at Chichiri. Finally, Amiboshi sighed and shrugged, then came back over. "He's weird."

That brought a round of laughter from everyone, and Suboshi felt himself relaxing in the plesant atmosphere…he couldn't believe how kind they were…..and suddenly, he felt a strong devotion in his heart take a hold of him. Why should he be loyal to a country that only instilled fear in his heart when there was a place like this where he was welcomed and it made no difference that he was supposed to be the enemy. He bit his lip and stood suddenly and walked to Chichiri's side. The monk looked quiestioningly up at him.

"Please allow me to be in your debt Chichiri-sama. Would you allow me to protect you in order to make amends for my deeds?" He went down on one knee, bowing his head respectully, his face strong and determined.

Amiboshi was taken aback. "A life debt?" He blinked and caught Chichiri's questioning look and explained. "In our culture, if one person does something to another that he feels was wrong with his heart and soul, or if another person saves his life, he is entitled to ask permission of that person to become their protector to repay that debt." Amiboshi looked down at his younger brother in awe. "It's a very serious thing, and to reject it would be a very strong dishonor, and he would feel inclined to commit seppuku, Chichiri-san."

Chichiri looked at Suboshi appraisingly, obviously holding great respect for the young boy. "Hai…..of course no da…."

Suboshi's face lit up with relief and he bowed to the floor with gratitude. "Domo arigatou gozaimasu Chichiri-sama."

Mitsukake smiled lighlty and stood up. "I'm going to go and rest."

Chichiri smiled greatfully at him. "Domo Mitsukake…."

He nodded, then exited the room. Amiboshi was watching Tasuki who was staring at them from the corner. "Mou….can't we do anything about him?"

Suboshi looked over at him. "Why don't you play your flute to help Chichiri-sama relax, and maybe Tasuki-san will relax too?" he suggested to his brother.

Amiboshi nodded and began playing a sweet melody on the instrament, it's soothing tunes calming the ears and heart. Withing a few minutes, Chichiri's breathing had slowed, and his eye was closed in sleep. Tasuki still sulked in the courner, but he was actually watching them now, which was a semi-good sign. Amiboshi stopped playing when he'd finished the tune, and lowered the flute to his lap. "Mou…..I'm going to go take a nap…." He said standing up and looking at his brother. "Want to come?"

Suboshi shook his head. "I'm going to stay here."

Amiboshi nodded in understanding, then glanced at Tasuki. "You going to be ok with him?" Suboshi nodded. "Ok, ja na." 


End file.
